Woopsy.

Sorry I never update anymore. Most of you know why I don't. :S

Life's been pretty stressful lately. As most of you know, my Aunt died about two weeks ago. I found out after a loooooong shift at work, walked in the house at 11 pm on a Wednesday and my dad came out of the bedroom and told me. I took it pretty hard. I immediately called my cousin Zac and just sobbed. I didn't know what to think, or say, neither did he. We were both shocked really. Because I mean we never talk to my Aunt, but when we were younger we both loved her dearly, as we still did to this day, but the older we got the less we saw her.
That Saturday I worked a 10-4 shift and found out that a really good friend of mine from work had committed suicide. He was a cook I was very close with, he almost took me "under his wing" so to say when I first started working there. Whenever I'd come into the kitchen at the beginning of the shift I always got such a warm greeting from him, "KAAAATTTIIIIEEEEE!!!!". He always was a pleasure and we had a lot in common music-wise so I'd always tell him about my concerts I'd go to.
Then I have this guy who's been really creeping on me and I keep trying to get him to go away and he won't. He rang me up at gamestop once and got my name and such and looked me up online and added me on myspace. Quite weird. There's more to that story that I'm not publishing to the public.

My family from NY/NC just departed today. I had a lot of fun while they were all here, but I'm exhausted. I didn't get to sleep in at all on my break until today, and if you know me.. you know I love sleep. It's almost a hobby! We all had Thanksgiving dinner at my Grandmothers Thursday, then on Friday we sat around and played video games and ate food. Rather enjoyable if I do say so myself!

After my friend passed at work, a co-worker and I got into a discussion after being rather slow at work. She just randomly turned to me and was like, "Do you ever think about how we go through life and work so hard to do all these things just to inevitably reach death at some point?" and it really got my head spinning. Why do we? For the temporary satisfaction we can get? What if you don't even get any satisfaction out of the daily things you do in your life? Why do them? You're just gonna die some day, who cares? I've been on a 2pac (a rapper) kick lately, and one of his songs with Notorious B.I.G. called Runnin' basically talks about the same thing, here's the chorus:

now i wonder if they'll laugh when im dead
why am i fighting to live, if im just living to fight?
why am I trying to see when there aint nothin in sight?
why am i trying to give when no one gives me a try?
why am i dying to live, if im just living to die?

The last line reminded me of what my friend was saying. I don't mean to be like a pessimist or emo or anything by any stretch of the imagination. But really, why do people work their asses off, work jobs they hate, and not enjoy life, ESPECIALLY if they're just gonna inevitably die one day? I cannot even fathom having a job I hated. Sure, I have my moments with my current job, but it's not my career, and it's part-time.
My current job has shown me a lot of people who really struggle to make a living, there are so many waitresses there who are in their early to mid twenties and have kids and work full time and never get to see them, and have husbands/boyfriends who just do not give a crap. I really feel for my one co-worker, Ashley. She's the sweetest, funniest woman.. she's so intelligent and has so much potential to do so much more than what she is, but she came from a really messed up family. Her mother is a whack-o and she has two little brothers who she just wishes she could save because they are stuck with her messed up mother but she cannot afford to make a living for herself, her son, her boyfriend AND her two brothers and it constantly breaks her heart. The other day, one of our day-time bartenders named Cheri who is in probably her mid-fifties, told Ashley she would love to be her "mother" and how much Ashley reminds her of a daughter she never had. Ashley started bawling and hugged her and told her how much that meant to her and how she just always feels alone. And then there goes the Katie water-works because I'm just a giant sap. Haha!

With all that being said, and everything that's happened lately, I'm really going to be trying to live for the moment. I don't want to dwell on the past, because that is what brings me sadness. It's only got to get better from here.
Here's to tomorrow, next week, next year.. the future; and whatever it holds.