Internet becoming a bad thing?

I don't like the constant harping on what I'm doing via the computer, its an extremely overwhelming feeling.. it really just makes me wanna stop using facebook/my blog/twitter/myspace, but that's all I have to keep in contact with my friends dammit! I can't win.

Since when

was it okay for exboyfriends to party with YOUR friends? People they've never hung out with outside of you, and maybe only hung out with 2 or 3 times.

Never, that's when.

Both people are severely at fault.

What kind of friends invite your ex to parties anyway, and stop inviting you? Not real friends. This is why they are no longer considered friends.

TO HELL WITH 'EM! :)

xoxoxoxoxo

Ugh.

I've not been inspired to update this lately,

But I'm gonna put it to use and use it to vent..

It's 1 am and I'm having practically an anxiety attack and I cannot sleep. I've been so overwhelmed lately, I just wanna spend a day in bed and cuddle with my best friend Taylor and watch stupid movies and eat buckets of ice cream. I cannot remember the last time I spent an entire day vegging out, because I've been so focused on keeping busy to keep my mind off being lonely. I don't handle lonely-ness well, even if I'm better off alone. I like having someone there to share my thoughts and dreams with. I'm like, regressing. I was doing so well at first, and I'm just getting worse.

I keep having nightmares, I think it's gonna stick with me for a lot longer than I thought.

Then theres my family who have a million problems that anyone who reads this already knows about and they stress me out and I get worrysome.

I'm afraid to leave my mommy in 4 years and move out because I'm afraid she's gonna cry everyday and I don't wanna be the reason for that saddness. The older I get the more attached to one another I think we get.

Communication is such a big deal for me. If anyone has even the most minimal of a problem with me I wanna know as soon as they come to terms with it, and I've never been lucky enough to have anyone like that in my life. I soon hope to.

I'm not excited for college. I'm so upset that everyone is leaving, I see facebook status' every other day from my friends "leaving for such and such college in two days" and it devastates me that I didn't spend time with all the people I wanted to this summer. There are so many people that are leaving, and I haven't seen them since graduation in May, when I had plans to hang out with them over the summer. I feel like a crappy friend.

BLAH. I need a cuddle buddy. :(

Guilty..

Yeah yeah I haven't updated in a while, shit's gone down and I've been busy and just ..haven't felt like updating!

Anyway! Only two eventful things have happened as of recently that are update-worthy: New York for the weekend, and WARPED TOUR!!!

Thursday morning at 7 am (death, TOO EARLY!!) Mommy Joey and I departed for Long Island. Very easy car ride, especially for me. I slept the entire way and had the whole backseat.. with a pillow and blanket. I woke up during the last hour. First stop before we went to Aunt Beth's was All American.. YUMMM!! Nothing beats it, seriously. Reminds me again of how much Maryland can suck. :( It has it's ups and downs though, I guess.

Got to the house and chilled for an hour or two before going to the beach club. We met up with Cathi, her boys and John there and BBQ'd and laid out on the sand and went in the pool.. and guess what, I NAPPED! AGAIN!! That makes the second nap of the day!! I didn't even mean to sleep that time, I just kinda woke up and was like "wtf?"

Went back to Aunt Beth's that night and I was feeling a little sad, so we made cookies. Nothing beats sadness like eating fresh warm cookies...

Spend the next day at the beach, which was SOOO freaking crowded! It was insane. We eventually found a spot though and settled down very quickly. Laid out, ate an awesome sandwich my mommy made me, and played in the water with Joey and Tricia. I love the water, I really do, but I'm bored with it quickly unless it's rough, and if it's rough, lifeguards are usually crabby about people going in far! Lose lose situation here!

Anyway, it started to get a little cloudy and a few rain drops fell so literally EVERYONE (other then us) left the beach. Maybe 3 other people were left on there. We sat for a bit longer and tried to figure out our dinner plans which changed like 20 times, but we eventually decided on eating at a restaurant right off the beach. It was actually good. I had a few bites of my moms lobster bisque and got fried shrimp for dinner. It was yummy and butterflied.. and the fries were WAFFLE FRIES!! Awesome!

Very tired that night from all the sun, the sun makes me tired (that is the gamer/nerd in me talking, CANNOT HANDLE THE SUN!!). I sat on my macbook all night after that on the couch and died and listened to Hannah Montana and Taylor Swift, I'm cool. Tricia and I then agreed we were going to spend the next day learning the Hoedown Throwdown.. oh boy.

Saturday that is exactly what we did! We laid out by the pool (MORE SUN?!!) learned that stupid but love-able Hannah Montana dance (after failing several times) and had awesome ribs Aunt Beth made for dinner. Very relaxing end to our vacation, leaving the next day was hard. (Not as hard as normal though, being able to say "see you in two weeks" makes it a lot easier!)

I'll be seeing them in two weeks because my friend Rachel and I got VIP tickets to see our all time favorite band ever (since middle school), Incubus in NYC. VERY EXCITING!! We get to meet them then we get front row to the show!! CAN'T WAIT!!!

Now for Warped Tour, which was just yesterday. Woke up at like 6:30 and waited for the crew to arrive (The crew = Matt, Will, Emma, Rachel, Meghan and Taylor). Played COD4 with Matt until everyone else got there, and then we all packed into Momma's expedition and were off. I was driving, I was kinda nervous about driving in actual VA beach at first but when we got there it was no big deal and I was totally fine. We spent the drive down listening to A LOT of music, and dancing and singing. Once we were actually like, twenty minutes away from the venue, the main road we needed to take got blocked off because of an accident, and the GPS didn't recognize it and just wanted us to keep turning around. So our plan? Get ourselves so lost it has to give us another way to get there, and that's exactly what it did! BOOYA!! So we may of gotten there a half hour later than planned, but we got there! I felt successful.

We waited for like 45 minutes to get in, I have no idea why. But once we did, first band we saw was Chiodos. The crowd freaking kicked our butts! It was early and the first hardcore band (I think) so everyone lost their minds. There was a wall of death, and I made Rachel do it with me since everyone else but Matt Will and I ran at the idea of one. (Wall of death is when the crowd splits in two and runs into each other, IT'S FUN OKAY!!) That's why I love taking Rachel to shows, she'll do anything with me even if she's deathly afraid!

After Chiodos I wanted to crash so bad but I sucked it up and watched Saosin, and was unimpressed and left halfway through. I've seen them before so it was just kinda meh. Met up with Meghan and Taylor and sat under a tree for a few seconds.

Then we went to watch some of Attack!Attack! and they were really good. Missed the beginning of Underoath because we had to wait for Matt, but got there for the one song I wanted to hear (It's Danger Business Walking Out Your Front Door) so I ran through the crowd and got really close for that one song, it was good, except no one else around me sang along except me... so I started a mosh pit! Easy way to solve your problems with a crowd! LOL. After that song I came back and enjoyed the rest of Underoath in the shade with Meghan and Taylor.

Next was Scary Kids Scaring Kids, who I stayed on the outside with Taylor for (she's a big chicken and doesn't like crowds) and took pictures of everything except the band, it was so funny to see Meghan's reaction when Taylor was like "LOOK, WE TOOK PICTURES.. OF EVERYTHING BUT SKSK". Hahaha. They were good, though!

Next came an attempt to see Senses Fail but since they were inside and it was so hot there was no room. Everyone was hogging the shade, it was so agitating because we actually WANTED TO WATCH THE BAND!! THAT'S WHAT WE PAYED 47 DOLLARS TO DO!! Ughh!

Proceeded to lay on the lawn and regain some energy for A Day To Remember. Got there early to get a good spot because we knew it'd be crowded. It was just Meghan and I the whole time, and we managed to stick together. I got to mosh a fair bit, it was fun. I didn't get nearly as hurt as I thought I would! They played ALL THE SONGS I WANTED THEM TO!! Their vocals were a little shot but they were fun and energetic, and I enjoyed them!

After ADTR came Streetlight Manifesto, but that wasn't for like, two more hours. So we sat inside and watched another Ska band play to past time (can't remember their name). They were fun. Went down to Streetlight early just to get a good spot, and sure as hell we did. WE GOT FREAKING FRONT ROW!! It was amazing. They are so fun, and adorable, and I love them..

After Streetlight, Matt and I made a run to catch the last 3 songs of The Devil Wears Prada. They closed with Hey John What's Your Name Again which I'm glad because that's one of my favorite songs by them! I went in the mosh pit even though I shouldn't of because it was the last hardcore song of the most hardcore band of the day.. but that's exactly why I went in. I got punched in the jaw pretty badly, and it still kinda hurts, but thats the price you pay!

Met up with everyone and departed, car ride home was LOOOOOOOONG. Especially driving. Straight 3 hours of corn fields and fluctuating speed limits = epic fail. Got home in one piece, though. Taylor and Meghan stayed the night, and now I'M HERE! Laying in bed recovering before work tonight..

That was a lot of typing.

The Bleeding

I remember when all the games began
Remember every little lie and every last goodbye
Promises you broke, words you choked on
and I never walked away,
it's still a mystery to me

Well I'm so empty
I'm better off without you and you're better off without me
Well you're so unclean
I'm better off without you and you're better off without me

The lying, the bleeding, the screaming
Was tearing me apart
The hatred (deceiving), the beatings; it's over

Paint the mirrors black to forget you
I still picture your face and the way you used to taste
Roses in a glass, dead and wilted
To you this all was nothing
Everything to you is nothing

Well you're so filthy
I'm better off without you and you're better off without me
Well I'm so ugly
You're better off without me and I'm better off alone

The lying, the bleeding, the screaming
Was tearing me apart
The hatred, the beatings disaster; it's over

As wicked as you are, you're beautiful to me
You're the darkest burning star, you're my perfect disease

The lying, the bleeding, the screaming
Was tearing me apart
The hatred, the beatings; it's over
Disaster
The lying, the bleeding, the screaming
Was tearing me apart
The hatred, the beatings; it's over
Disaster

It's over now...

Boo.

I had a very, very, very intense concert Friday evening. Iwrestledabearonce, Enter Shikari, Blessthefall, and August Burns Red were playing at The Recher Theater in Towson. I went with Jared, and our friends Rachel and Alex. It was amazingly fun. Rachel and I (both shrimpy little girls) jumped in several mosh pits, and I even started a few.. haha. It was sooo fun, but I felt it afterward. My neck hurt from head banging too much..

Saturday I worked in the AM, and then went to ride and wash Callie in the afternoon. Got her fairly clean, learned a new dressage test, and successfully got my friend Alex who swore he wasn't going to touch a horse (he's afraid of them) to pet Callie's face for half a second. After the barn, we picked Taylor up and got food. Then proceeded to play video games and rot for the remainder of the evening. 

Sunday I had a Combined Test (Dressage and Stadium Jumping) at Winaway. I jumped Callie 2'6"-2'9" and didn't get a single refusal. I also did two dressage tests with her and both went very well. I was very proud of her. Nick also rode her, because his horse Gulliver has a really bad fungus on his back so he can't wear a saddle. He did a dressage test with her and jumped her 2'3" I think I can't remember. She was very well behaved, such a good girl!

Watched Harpers Island all that night with Alex and Jared (Jared on and off- he kept falling asleep) and then proceeded to crash at 2:30ish. Had a very good weekend, and now looking forward to the remainder of the week :):):):)

Don't know what to do. D:

I feel terrible leaving Cosmo alone downstairs when I go up to bed for the night when he's hysterical over a thunder storm. Not just for him, but for my parents. I kind of want to bring him upstairs but I kind of think that'd make him freak out more

+ he'd keep ME up all night.

But they have to wake up in the morning for work.

I wish he'd just CALM DOWN!! He gets so crazy upset over the smallest sound. It's so agitating! And when he's not freaking out, he's licking his open wounds that he creates on his elbows. UGH, COSMO!

Also tonight at work made me realize I will never bring small children out to a restaurant.

It's virtually, rude. Unless you have self control and the ability to keep your child from turning your sitting area into something that resembles a hurricane coming through.

Anytime I see a kid 8 or younger-ish come into the restaurant I dread going to clean up after them when they leave. The floors are always COVERED in assorted food, there's crayons everywhere, and it looks like a twister. I takes me over twice as long to clean up one of those tables as it does to clean up after a large party of adults. :|

Also also Joey and I recently got the newest version of Mario Kart for the Wii, and it's super fun. It's actually challenging (kinda? I mean compared to the old ones) and it's a ton of fun. I love me some Mario Kart.

Also also ALSO I'm impatiently awaiting the shipment of my sexy new dressage saddle that was supposed to ship Tuesday. I'm SO EXCITED FOR IT!! But it still hasn't shipped, sooo lame!!

Done now.